Ever tried to tell someone NO. Then right after you say no you are explaining why your saying no? I have done this….. always. I would do this with friends, family, my ex husband, my children and even strangers. Why? Sure there may be a real need to explain why you are saying no. I explain to my kids why I say no. It drove me crazy when my mom would say ” because I am the momma and I said so”. I am glad to know I have managed to refrain from saying this exactly, but I will admit to having re-worded it. I will tell my kids no and explain the reason why, this way they understand that I’m not just being mean and they will also know that in future cases what will always be a NO.
Saying no to everyone else…first of all its tough. You say other things than the word “no”, like not today or I don’t think so. You are leaving that door open.Shut it! If in your heart and mind your screaming No then say it and “let your no mean no and your yes mean yes”!
Now, don’t explain it. This is a hard lesson for me. I have been going through a divorce and saying no didn’t come easy. Sticking to my wants was hard. I am glad to say that a very empowering moment for me was during an argument of constant repeating itself, I said no, and just walked away. I walked away , I didn’t look back, I didn’t say anything else, no explanation, no let me make myself clear. I walked away and the further away I walked the stronger I became. I will say I noticed that at that moment he saw a new person and he didn’t like it. Gone was the Jeana that let everyone push her around. During a divorce you have to say NO a lot and I was not used to telling this person of all people NO. I had to say No and walk away, shut the door, or even drive off. It has become easier to say no. I do still struggling at times, but those moments when I take charge and just say NO and walk away. I savor those moments.
So message today is take charge and empower your own self. Take back the control you give others. They don’t need an explanation they just need to be told NO. In its simplicity there is so much power.
Question: do you find yourself making excuses or explaining yourself, your choices, your No’s? (STOP IT)